I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
