i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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