Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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