Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
