I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
