I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
