I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize