Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
