was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
