your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
