the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
