i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
