Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Too much gin, very little bucket
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize