On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
