If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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