i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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