It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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