I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
