All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
