Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Dicks are not precious.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
