I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
