his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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