we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
