I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
