6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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