when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
