First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
