after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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