Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
