I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
