the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
