I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
