she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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