Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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