So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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