life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
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