our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
