So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
