I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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