his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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