The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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