So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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