apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
