Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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