i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize