I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Is it penis luge time yet?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
