I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
