I've blown a few things in my day
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
