My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize