you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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