Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
