yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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