Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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