I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
