Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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