I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
