how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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