My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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