I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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