Non-Jews are for practice
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
