We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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