Got a toothbrush?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
