What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
