I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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