I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
