i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
