i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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