upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
