Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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