Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
