Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
